Some Things You Should Know While In Church

 

In the Orthodox Church, there are a lot of customs and traditions that are important parts of our worship. Some are cultural; some are pious customs. Some are essential; some are not. From time-to-time, we need to address some of these various etiquette issues to inform our communities how we can best understand each other and work together to worship the all-holy Trinity.

 

STANDING VS. SITTING

 

The traditional posture for prayer and worship in the Orthodox Church has been to stand. In the Orthodox "old countries," there usually are no pews in the churches. Chairs or benches on the side walls are usually reserved for the elderly and infirm. In North America, we have tended to build our churches with pews, and since we have them, we need to figure out when we may sit and when we should stand.

 

First of all, it is fully acceptable (and even preferable) to stand for the entire service. If you prefer this, it would be better to find a place closer to the back or side of the church so as not to stand out or block someone's view. When should you definitely stand? Always stand during the Gospel reading, the Little and Great Entrances, the Anaphora, the distribution of Holy Communion, whenever the priest gives a blessing, and the Dismissal. In many parishes, the Divine Liturgy book in the pew has suggested times when sitting is acceptable. Follow these instructions (it's probably safer than following what the people do in the first couple of rows). When in doubt, stand. It is never wrong to stand in church.

 

LIGHTING CANDLES

 

Lighting candles is an important part of Orthodox worship. We light them as we pray, making an offering to accompany our prayers. Orthodox typically light candles when coming into the church - and that is usually the best time to light them, but there are times when candles should not be lit. It is not proper to light candles during the Epistle or Gospel readings, during the Little or Great Entrance, the sermon, and most of the times when the faithful are standing. If you find yourself arriving to church after the Liturgy has begun, a good rule of thumb to remember is - if everyone is standing, wait until they are sitting to light a candle (unless they are sitting for the sermon, of course). Other than that, it is probably all right to light a candle.

 

ENTERING CHURCH (LATE)

 

The time to arrive at church is before the service starts, but for some unknown reason, it has become custom - or rather a bad habit - for some to come to church late. If you arrive after the Divine Liturgy begins, try to enter the church quietly - and observe what is happening. If the Epistle or Gospel is being read or the Little or Great Entrance is taking place, wait until it is finished to quickly find a seat. If Father is giving the sermon, stay in the back until he has concluded. If in doubt, check with one of the ushers to see if it is a good time to seat yourself. Try not to interrupt the Liturgy by your entrance. By the way, the best way to avoid this problem is to arrive on time - then you don't have to wonder if it's OK to come in or not. People who come late for Liturgy should not partake of the Eucharist!

 

CROSSING THOSE LEGS?

 

In some Orthodox cultures, crossing one's legs is taboo and considered to be very disrespectful. In our North American culture, while there are no real taboos concerning crossing one's legs, we tend to cross our legs to get comfortable when sitting. Should we cross our legs in church? No. Not because it is "wrong" to ever cross legs, but rather because it is too casual - and too relaxed - for being in church. Just think about it, when you get settled in your favorite chair at home, you lean back, cross your legs, and then your mind can wander anywhere it wants to. Remember, sitting in church is a concession, not the normative way of prayer. You surely don't want to get too relaxed and let you mind wander off too much. In fact, when you do sit in church, you should sit attentively - and not too comfortably. When sitting in church, keep those feet on the floor, ready to stand at attention (which is what "Let us attend" means). Cross yourself with your fingers and hand - but don't cross your legs!

 

IN AND OUT

 

In and out? It's a hamburger place in LA, but shouldn't be traffic patterns by the back door during services. On some Sundays, it almost seems like we have a revolving door in the back of the church - and it is used by both children and adults. Use the restroom before coming to church. You shouldn't need to get a drink of water during the service (especially if you are taking Communion!). Don't come to church to go to the fellowship hall - come to pray.

 

LEAVING BEFORE THE DISMISSAL

 

Leaving church before the dismissal - besides being rude - deprives us of a blessing. Worship has a beginning ("Blessed is the Kingdom ") and an end ("Let us depart in peace "). To leave immediately after communion is to treat the church like a fast food restaurant where we come and go as we please. We live in a fast paced world where we seem to be hurrying from place to place. But in God's presence, we need to make every attempt to fight this pressure to move on to the next thing on the day's agenda. We deprive ourselves of blessings by not being still and participating in God's holiness. Eat and run at McDonald's - but stay in church to thank God for His precious gifts.

 

BLOT THAT LIPSTICK

 

Have you ever looked at an icon in just the right light and seen the lip prints all over it? It's disgusting, isn't it? In fact, it's downright gross. Lipstick may look fine on lips, but it looks horrible on icons, crosses, the communion spoon and the priest's or bishop's hand. Icons have been ruined by lipstick; and even though the cross can usually be cleaned after everyone venerates it, it just isn't considerate to others to impose your lipstick on them. What is the answer? If you insist on wearing lipstick to church, blot your lips well before venerating an icon, taking communion, or kissing the cross or the priest's or bishop's hand. Even better, wait until after church to put it on. After all, God is not impressed with how attractive you look externally - your make-up or clothing - but how attractive you are internally, your adornment with good works and piety.

 

VENERATING ICONS

 

When you enter the church, it is traditional to venerate the icons. Usually, there are icons at the entrance to the church and many churches have icon stands in the front as well. When venerating (kissing) an icon, pay attention where you kiss. It is not proper to kiss an icon in the face. You wouldn't go up and kiss the Lord or his mother on the lips would you? You would kiss their hand, and only if they invited you would you even dare kiss them on the cheek. Pay attention to what you are doing. When you approach an icon to venerate it, kiss the gospel, scroll, or hand cross in the hand of the person in the icon or kiss the hand or foot of the person depicted. As you venerate an icon, show proper respect to the person depicted in the icon - the same respect as you would the person by venerating him or her in an appropriate place. And remember, blot off your lipstick before kissing.

 

TALKING DURING CHURCH

 

Isn't it great to come into church and see friends and family members? But wait until coffee hour to say "Hi" to them. It just isn't appropriate to greet people and have a conversation with them during the services. Besides being disrespectful towards God, it is rude towards the other people in church who are trying to worship. Talk to God while in church through your prayers, hymns and thanksgiving, and to your friends in the hall afterwards.

 

KISS (DON'T SHAKE) THE PRIEST'S AND BISHOP'S HAND

 

Did you know that the proper way to greet a priest or bishop is ask his blessing and kiss his right hand? How do you do this? Approach the priest or bishop with your right hand over your left hand and say "Father (or Master, in the case of the bishop), bless." This is much more appropriate (and traditional) than shaking their hands. After all, the priest and bishop are not just "one of the boys." When you kiss their hands you show respect for their office - they are the ones who "bless and sanctify" you and who offer the holy gifts on your behalf. So next time you greet your priest or bishop, don't shake his hand, ask for his blessing.

 

SUNDAY DRESS

 

Remember the time when people put on their "Sunday best" to go to church? In fact, dress clothes were often referred to as Sunday clothes. In some parts of the country, this is not common today. In fact, all too often dress in church has become too casual. In all areas of our lives, we should offer Christ our best. And the same is true of our dress. We should offer Christ our "Sunday best," not our everyday or common wear. And we should dress modestly, not in a flashy way that would bring attention to ourselves. Our dress should always be becoming of a Christian - especially at church.

 

Here are some specific guidelines we use in our parishes:

 

Children: Only young children (under 10) should wear shorts to church - and then only dress shorts. Athletic shoes, cut-offs, and spandex shorts are never appropriate church wear (for children or adults!). Shoes or sandals should be clean and tied. No one should wear T-shirts with any kind of writing on them (This Bud's for you!" is definitely out).

 

Women: Dresses should be modest. No tank tops (or dresses with only straps at the shoulders), no short skirts (mini-skirts), and no skin tight dresses. Dresses should have backs and should not be cut low in the front. If women wear pants to church, they should be dress pants (and not jeans, leggings, etc). Shorts (of any type) are never appropriate for church.

 

Men: Men should also dress modestly. While coat and tie are not mandatory, shirts should have collars and be buttoned to the collar (the actual collar button may be left undone, but two or three buttons undone is inappropriate). Slacks should be clean. Blue (or black, green, etc.) jeans are usually too casual for church (especially ones with patches and holes). Again, shorts are not appropriate church wear.

 

If you're going someplace after church where you need to dress casually, bring a change of clothing with you and change after coffee hour. Remember, use your best judgment and good taste when dressing for church. After all, you don't go to be seen by everyone else - you go to meet and worship God.

 

PEW BLOCKING

 

Never heard of pew blocking? It's that practice of sitting right next to the aisle so that no one else can get by or sit in the middle of the pew. Everyone has seen it. In fact, the best pew blockers come early so they can get the coveted aisle seats and then be sure that no one can get past them. The most effective form of pew blocking takes place when two people take their places on opposite ends of the pew, occupying both the center and aisle seats. This effectively eliminates anyone else from sitting on that row. There are two solutions to pew blocking. The first is to move towards the middle of the pew, leaving the aisle seats for those coming later. And for those of you who just can't handle sitting in the middle of the pew, take the outside aisle spot and graciously allow those coming after you to go past you (by moving out for them so they can get by). Remember, pew blocking isn't hospitable - nor is it an efficient system of seating. So don't be selfish. Move on over towards the middle. Don't be a pew blocker.

 

TO CROSS OR NOT TO CROSS

 

Anyone who has looked around on a Sunday morning will notice that different people cross themselves at different times (and sometimes in different ways). To a certain extent, when to cross oneself is according to personal piety and not an issue of dogma. But there are times when it is specifically proper to cross yourself and times when you should not. Here is a brief list of when to cross and when not to cross.

 

To Cross: When you hear one of the variations of the phrase "Father, Son and Holy Spirit"; at the beginning and end of liturgical services and your private prayers; before venerating an icon; entering or exiting the church and when passing in front of the holy altar table; before venerating an icon, the cross or Gospel book.

 

Not to Cross: At the chalice before or after taking communion (you might hit the chalice with your hand); when the priest or bishop blesses saying "Peace be to all" - bow slightly and receive the blessing; when receiving a blessing from a bishop or a priest (kissing the right hand of the bishop or priest is appropriate, but not making the sign of the cross).

 

TOUCHING THE HEM OF FATHER'S GARMENTS

 

Many people like to touch the hem of father's phelonion as he goes through the congregation for the Great Entrance. This is a nice, pious custom by which you "attach" your personal prayers to the prayers of the entrance with the holy gifts. At the same time, you need to be careful neither to grab too hard and trip up the Great Entrance, nor to push people out of the way. And be sure to help your children so that they observe those guidelines as well.

 

SNACKS FOR CHILDREN

 

You can always tell where the young children have been sitting in the church. The telltale signs are graham crackers crumbs, Cheerios, and animal crackers. Parents often bring snacks and a cup of fruit juice along for children during church. And for young children (0-2 years old), this is fine. But by the time the kids get 3-4 years old, they should be able to go through liturgy without eating anything. And by the time they reach 7 (the age of their first confession), they should begin fasting on Sunday morning for communion (or at least make an attempt at fasting by cutting back on the amount of breakfast and eating "fasting" type foods - talk to your priest about this). For those children who get snacks, please don't feed them while in the line for holy communion (this applies to holy bread as well). They need to come to communion without food in their mouths. And one last note: try to keep the snack mess down to a minimum. The floor shouldn't be covered with Cheerios! Chewing gum is a NO-NO during Liturgy for everyone!

 

HANDLING THE HOLY BREAD

 

After taking holy communion and at the end of the Divine Liturgy, it is traditional to eat a piece of holy bread or antidoron - the bread that was left over after Holy Communion was prepared. While antidoron is not Holy Communion, it is blessed bread, and as such, should be eaten carefully so that crumbs don't fall all over the place. After taking Communion or kissing the cross at the end of the Divine Liturgy, take one piece of antidoron (you don't need four or five pieces), and when you return to your seat or get to a place where you can stop for a moment, eat the bread trying not to drop crumbs. If you want to give a piece to someone else, go ahead and take an extra piece - don't break yours in half (it produces too many crumbs). And - monitor your children as they take the antidoron and teach them to eat it respectfully.

 

A FINAL THOUGHT

 

North American society in the late 20th century is rather casual in its approach to life. Don't allow this prevailing attitude to enter into your Orthodox Christian piety. There are surely a lot of other areas that could be covered here (and if you let me know of some particular need, I would be happy to address it). Most of church etiquette is based on common sense and showing respect for God and others. Always remember that you are in church to worship God, the Holy Trinity. The priest says: "With the fear of God and faith and love, draw near." Let this be the way you approach all of worship. If you do, you will probably have good church etiquette.

 

Father David Barr is pastor of Holy Resurrection Church in Tucson, Arizona

 

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